Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
