so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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