When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
