If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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