Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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