he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
