All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize