Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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