he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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