areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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