now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
