So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
