i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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