So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
