Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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