I am puke
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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