Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
