the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
