His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
