I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
