Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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