Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you still have your period?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
