well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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