so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
