dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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