his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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