I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
