What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
