Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
