I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she told me i tasted like america
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
