I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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