I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
