dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
