Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
