Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
