She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
