Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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