So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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