you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize