I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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