why didn't you poke me back
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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