dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
