i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
