As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
