she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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