I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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