She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
