u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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