My first STD was from a foam party
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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