I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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