one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
