Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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