please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
