Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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