I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
