I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize