Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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