So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
