Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
