then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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