P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
