Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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