Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
