i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
