When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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