god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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