bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
