porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
