you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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